Voldemort's Summer
by ravenhair1
Summary: What would Voldemort be doing on his first summer back in power? With his archnemesis, the Boy-Who-Lived, still alive after four-er, five-botched attempts to A-K him outta the way, he ought to get some helpful advice. He doesn't realize this yet, until a


A/N: This came out of inspiration. I was reading about Marvel Comics villains, and there was this The Oxford Book of Villains (very entertaining, well, to me anyway) and it just clicked. JK Rowling owns Voldemort, his various adresses that I have used here, and all other names and terms I have used that has an inkling of presence in her universe. I can't spoil my story for you, so I'll just say that disclaimers to other characters I use will be posted in the chapters requiring them. This story was made for fun...er, that is, sick...perverse...fun...Ack! Scrap that! This story was just made. Not out of fun. I just happened to be pressing random keys for a few hours, and voila!  
  
  
~Voldemort's Summer~  
  
Synopsis: What would Voldemort be doing on his first summer back in power? Playing bingo? Not bloody likely! But with his archnemesis, the Boy-Who-Lived, still alive and kicking after four -er, five- botched attempts to A-K him out of the picture, he might as well get some helpful advice. He doesn't realize this yet, until a mysterious invitation arrives...  
  
  
Prologue: Kill Harry Potter, Among Other Things  
  
It would have delighted Voldemort to know that the Boy-Who-Lived had never had a single completely happy summer his whole life. The recent events, climaxed by Cedric Diggory's death, had, after all, dealt a very heavy hand on the boy.  
  
But there was no way for Voldemort to discover poor Harry's traumatized state. The Ministry's wards, overlayed by Dumbledore's more powerful spells, had rendered the entire block surrounding #4 Privet Drive impenetrable to him and his Death Eaters. And, even if he were to hear rumors of his archnemesis' guilt-ridden plight of angst, the Dark Lord would have scoffed at the information and mistake it for a bad joke. After all, how could Harry-- The-Boy-Who-Still-Lives-Goddamit --Potter, be guilt-ridden when he had just eluded the Dark Lord AGAIN!?  
  
"Again, again, again, and again..." Voldemort muttered unconsciously. The few minor underlings he passed by on the corridors all thought this curious, but dared not even think further for fear of their Master overhearing their thoughts. Self-preservation, after all, was a common high priority to all Death Eaters, no matter the rank. It helped a lot not to be idiotic for too long when you had a sadistic Dark Lord who fancied a couple of Unforgivable Curses on his servants for snacks.  
  
"That Damnable Boy!" Lord Voldemort spat, in the privacy of his chambers. When his bout of rage wore off, he took quick stock of his surroundings and double-checked the Silencing Spell variant he had put up just before he burst. It wouldn't do to give subordinates a reason to suspect their Lord of any weakness, he had read in a book once.  
  
With an unconscious sigh, he arranged his black robes about him and daintily sat down on his study. Pulling out a roll of parchment and a black-feathered quill, he jotted down a list of things he felt needed to be done before he could attempt to kill Harry Potter...erm, again.  
  
List of Priorities A Dark Lord Must Act Upon Over the Summer  
  
1. Kill Harry Potter.  
  
Voldemort shook his head. This isn't turning out right! He thought with a small frown. But then, he mused, killing Harry Potter isn't wrong at all! In fact, it is the RIGHT thing to do!   
  
With a viscious shake of his serpentine head, the Dark Lord fought to regain his previous train of thought. 'This Boy-Who-Still-Lives business is driving me insane!' He thought, a bit disgusted that he had admitted this, albeit only to himself. 'Of course, I have to kill him! It's a MUST, a PRIORITY ONE thing! But not now...not yet...not until I've prepared my MOST DEFINITELY FLAWLESS ATTACK!'   
  
The last thought had very much brightened his mood. Voldemort allowed himself to crack a smile, or maybe even a grin. An inhuman smile broke through the Dark Lord's face-- if Voldemort only had a mirror in front of him, he would have seen a really hideous green skull-like face grinning back at him--and very soon, the Dark Lord's private chambers were filled with a creepy, hollow, mad cackle.  
  
After a long while spent trying to regain the proper decorum of a Dark Lord, Voldemort took up his quill and looked at his list. With a firm nod, he crossed the whole thing out. Below it, he started again.  
  
List of Priorities A Dark Lord Must Act Upon Over the Summer Before Killing Harry Potter  
  
This was more specific. Voldemort nodded in approval, then cracked a smile. It also sounded very promising.  
  
1. Come up with plan to kill Harry Potter.  
  
Yes, definitely promising. Cheered by his first item, he jotted on.  
  
2. Devise scheme to capture Potter boy before school year starts.  
  
This idea was more specific than the first, Voldemort thought, and looked to be more effectively accomplished. With a small grunt, he crossed out #1 and replaced it with his second item.  
  
1. Devise scheme to capture Potter boy before school year starts.  
2. Capture him before he gets to the Hogwarts Express.  
3. Round up the Inner Circle to do reconnaissance on the route from #4 Privet Drive to King's Cross Station.  
  
Yes, yes Voldemort nodded in approval. This was it! His Grand Master Plan! He felt he was on a roll.  
  
6. Assign hit teams for every auror on Potter's tail.  
7. Disguise Avery as muggle traffic officer to intercept Potter's transport.  
8. Demand polyjuice potion with essence of James Potter from Snape.  
9. Make Lucius Kidnap Potter boy with polyjuice disguise.  
10. Make Wormtail distract Figg and mangy cats in rat form, for fun.  
  
Things were looking grander and grander! Voldemort decided. This list-making thing is sort of therapeutic, too.  
  
13. Summon Death Revel to get latest news on idiot Ministry and Aurors.  
14. Get report from Lucius on new Death Eater recruits.  
15. Get report from Severus about old fart and his group of twit-twats.  
16. Make Wormtail Cruciatus entertainment on Dark Revel. (Death Eaters will like that.)  
  
Perhaps he had been carried away with the last one? Voldemort mused. He barked out a laugh.  
  
45. Summon Death Revel to party Boy-Who-Lives-No-Longer's pending but very definite demise!   
(With Crucio-ala-Wormtail for entertainment)  
46. Secure vast acres of land and big cursed castle with Lucius' fortune. (Threaten with A.K. if idiot refuses.)  
  
Voldemort suddenly realized something.He seemed to have gotten carried away with the Death Revels. But, he reasoned, there's no harm in carrying on. After all, the success of his plans are imminent! Who knows, he just might get to do all these...  
  
88. Have wild kinky sex with Narcissa in polyjuice body of idiot Lucius.   
(Maybe reveal true identity after sex. Torture is fun.)  
  
Now -that- is REALLY CARRIED AWAY. Voldemort giggled madly, like a small naughty kid. Well, he thought, there's no harm in dreaming, right?  
  
99. Have Dumbledore bow to me and say he's lower than pus of boil on idiot Fudge's butt (just right next to crack so stinks like fart, too)  
  
Now, Voldemort really thought he should wrap it up. This list was all long already and he quite liked what he wrote in it. (Provided, that is, the rest of the wizarding world NEVER finds out.) So, finally...  
  
100. And, ultimately, KILL HARRY POTTER. Then, RULE WIZARDING WORLD. (Mwahahaha!)  
  
The Dark Lord rolled up the parchment and hid it in his drawer. He smiled, and a small tear rolled down his green, skeletal cheek.   
  
"That was bloody therapeutic..."  
  
"I'd say!" A voice boomed from behind him.  
  
Voldemort whirled, instantly procuring his wand, when...  
  
"What the bloody hell is-"  
  
His thin skeletal body abruptly stiffened, and his large black robes muffled the soft thud of his fall.  
  
-o0o-  
  
A/N: Who or what could this be? Why did Voldemort just up and...collapsed? Did the mysterious visitor have anything to do with it?  
  
Find out on the opening chapter of VOLDEMORT'S SUMMER!  
  
Up next: A couple of very surprising introductions, more evil scheming and...tea for three!? What the--oh well! Go and find out!  
  
P.S. Could you spare me some reviews, please? I want to know if you prefer Megalomaniac Voldie or Sadistic Bastard Voldie. Or both. Please do tell. It's vital to the (eheheh, should I tell?). Well, it's really important. That's all I'm asking you to put, and it'd take just a few extra minutes... 


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